Whatever stage of life our children are in it's hard being a parent. It's especially hard when we miss the point in parenting and even life itself. When I first became a parent I was naive and admittedly focused on myself (I probably still am). My common mantra was "there isn't a manual for parenthood." The reality is that there is – God's Word. And more importantly, there is a point in our parenting and all aspects of our lives.
So, how do we react, as a parent to the "terrible twos", "the teenage years", and all that comes with the personalities and lives intersecting? How do we minister to the mother faced with an obstinate two-year-old child flexing his self-will?
Admittedly, I failed. I failed most in reflecting Christ in my parental actions. Thank God, for grace. However, I think that I, and many others in the faith of Christ, can learn and pass on that lesson to other parents so that they too can grow.
Within the context of parenting, there are two persons or aspects to be observed and addressed in the relationship and interaction of needed discipline. The first is the inherent representation of our sinful nature in the obstinate two-year-old child flexing his self-will. The second is of the opportunity for Gospel response and example that the mother can display in her Gospel-oriented correction, grace, and love.
The truth of the inherent rejection of God’s Glory
The two-year-old, let’s say his name is David (highly appropriate), is operating in a human, sin-based, self-focused, and hard-hearted motivation. His words are often, “No,” to his mother’s promptings. He wants to do his own thing, regardless of what he is told. Oblivious to any danger he might be to himself he processes his primal and assumed needs. They are pure idols to him. What Tommy wants, Tommy will try to get, to the point of full-blown tantrums, screaming, and flailing.However off-putting this behavior is, it is reflective of our own sinful humanity, even as adults. We might not have a tantrum in the same manner, but our emotions, impulses, and desires are often the same. What we want is what we will try to get. Our happiness, comfort, convenience, and pleasure is our idol. Our tantrums are manifested in our displeasure, discontentment, anger, bitterness, and lack of love for others. It is reflective and reflexive of how often our definition of God is in relation to ourselves.
In our sinful state and in this two-year-old’s mentality, our lives are not lived for God’s glory. Our reference point is often not on God but on ourselves. We tend to gravitate to living for our glory and our own rule.
The truth of a Gospel viewpoint in the life lived for God’s Glory
As a child, Tommy is being taught at every moment and can be properly disciplined to see what is good, what is right, and what correct focus should be through a parental example and the Gospel community around him. A life worth living, as a parent, is one that exemplifies the Gospel and the glorification of God.How you react as a parent will reflect your true worship of God. Every aspect of our lives is to be lived for God’s glory. And every behavior or situation is an opportunity for the Gospel to be lived out and contextualized. It is our reasonable sacrifice and service in light of the Gospel. And how we, as parents, discipline our children can glorify God.
Our children see every move, hear every word, and notice our every behavior. This reality could turn us into legalists and moralists– where we try to do good at every moment, but this misses the point. If we are living our lives to demonstrate to others a morally good life, then we miss the glory aspect and the Gospel foundation. This approach places the glory on us and not on Christ and His work.
So, what would Gospel living look like?
The Apostle Paul teaches, in Colossians 3: 17, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” This is a heart that is not focused on the relationship of behavior to a situation, rather on the realities of God as our god, Christ as our Lord. A life lived for God’s glory is a life that anticipates eternity, understands the treasure in Christ and recognizes our issue is our desire to be a god like God – the original sin.What we treasure and where our hearts are will be exposed in moments of stress. When God’s glory is our reference point we begin to fully understand the impact of the Gospel. We realize our dependence on God for everything. We see the immense love and grace of God. We are transformed and are different from our old self. Our treasure will be His glory.
How you respond, how you communicate, and how you relate to a child will reflect your reference point. But it’s not easy and we can’t do it on our own. In fact, that is what you have been trying to do already. The good news is that Christ can do the work for you. It is only by the grace of Christ that we can glorify God in our lives and have the strength to do it (James 4:6.)
Using God’s glory as your reference point
Here are some concepts to think about and implement in your discipline while worshiping God:Buffer the Anger and Frustration
Instead of being mad and frustrated, glorify God in His grace to you. Glorify God and give that same grace back to your child. Remember how you were once unruly and an enemy of God, yet He still loved you, humbled himself, and died for you.
Gospel Discipline
Instead of demanding that your child obey and worship your rules, glorify God in His rule. Move the worship from your lordship to that of Christ. Follow the law of Christ – love. Don’t be led by your sin, but by the Spirit in peace, patience, kindness, goodness, joy, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and love.
Ensure that the rules and structures that you are implementing are God-glorifying. Allow your discipline to be saturated with the fruit of the Spirit and love your child, rather than judging and laying down the law on your child.
Refresh and Gain Strength from God
Instead of retreating to your inner self or your sin during moments of stress, glorify God in His strength and providence. Have faith that he will give you strength and is using these trials to grow you deeper within Him. Abide in Christ and His rule. If God is truly God, then His abilities, power, and foresight are much more powerful, good, and wise than any of our abilities or the things of this world.
Be a Gospel Community
Instead of trying to do it all on your own and in your own kingdom, glorify God through His Gospel Kingdom community. Allow other believers to help you, carry your burdens, pray for you, and help disciple the child you have been given, by God, to steward and raise up. You are not alone. Part of glorifying God is loving His body – believers and living life with, for, and along-side of them.
