When Communication Fails: It's A Lack of Gospel Application
"Apply the gospel," is an easy statement to say. We might say it to one another all the time. But have we come to grips with what that truly means? It is different and counter-cultural to the world. And it is one of the most important things for those in Christ.
Applying the Gospel in communication should be the default action of the Christian. It's supposed to be the natural outflow of our Gospel identity. However, our humanity, our flesh, often fights us and in turn, we fight against one another.
Applying the Gospel in communication should be the default action of the Christian. It's supposed to be the natural outflow of our Gospel identity. However, our humanity, our flesh, often fights us and in turn, we fight against one another.
In marriage, we might have thoughts of "why are we not communicating?" or "he (or she) just doesn't understand me." In other life arguments and situations, we might think, "I'm not going to listen to them until they hear from me." We struggle to be heard and we fail to listen. Communication and relationships without the Gospel are always headed towards difficult and unresolved territory.
The reason that communication fails is that we are often speaking, hearing, and trying to communicate while idolizing ourselves. We aren't really communicating, instead, we are listing conditions, stating our demands, and listening to the speech that focuses on us. We make great debaters, but lousy listeners. We speak with strong voices but hear with weak ears.
The reason that communication fails is that we are often speaking, hearing, and trying to communicate while idolizing ourselves. We aren't really communicating, instead, we are listing conditions, stating our demands, and listening to the speech that focuses on us. We make great debaters, but lousy listeners. We speak with strong voices but hear with weak ears.
Our communication is an evidence of our fruit. It demonstrates and often exposes who we truly worship. If we worship ourselves then our conversation is bent on getting our own justice, getting our way, holding grudges, creating bitterness, exposing impatience, and growing unforgiveness. It is not loving the other person as ourselves, but loving ourselves more than the other person and worse – more than God.
Gospel Communication: A Different Focus
Gospel communication, however, offers a different focus. It is applying the Gospel when we are captured heart and soul by the Gospel. It first recognizes that I am a sinner and I am in need of forgiveness. Secondly, it realizes that the grace that I have received is so incredible that I have no ground to stand on. I am in need of the Savior Jesus Christ and it is He that is to live in me. And third, it recognizes that the Gospel and Jesus Christ are to be the focus of our lives and conversations.
Jesus tells us that when an issue comes about that we go to the other not for judgment, not for justification, and not for our way, rather for restoration. We are to facilitate peace, build connections, and love the other person deeper. Gospel conversations seek peace, patience, love, kindness, goodness, and meekness. It isn't self-serving but seeks to speak Jesus Christ into every moment.
So how do we have better Gospel communication?
First, to have Gospel communication we have to first lay down our own lives. We have to apply the Gospel to ourselves. Often the purpose of a conversation will be totally destroyed when we do this. In light of the Gospel and Christ's love so many issues dissolve or crumble. The foot of the Cross humbles us all.
Secondly, we have to come with total forgiveness – remembering the Gospel. If anytime in a conversation we say: "you always do _______," we have demonstrated that we have not forgiven past wrongs or issues. We are holding judgment over the other person– something that is totally opposed to the Gospel.
Gospel communication seeks restoration, seeks the love of the other person, and forgives the past and hopes for a different outcome. If we continue to repeat those negative things then we communicate that the other person's identity is based on the wrongs they have done to us. Forgiveness removes that from their identity. Gospel communication seeks to create new identities in Christ.
Gospel communication seeks restoration, seeks the love of the other person, and forgives the past and hopes for a different outcome. If we continue to repeat those negative things then we communicate that the other person's identity is based on the wrongs they have done to us. Forgiveness removes that from their identity. Gospel communication seeks to create new identities in Christ.
Third, we have to speak in love and in truth that is held up to the Gospel. If what we say or how we act goes against the fruit of the Holy Spirit we can be assured that it isn't Gospel communication. Instead, it is devoid of love and thus just a noisy gong clanging and doing nothing for the sake of unity or grace.
Fourth, we also have to submit to each other as to the Lord. That means that after we have spoken, we have to allow the other person to correct and lovingly rebuke us in light of God and His Word if we are in error. Gospel communication isn't a one-way street, in fact, it isn't even a two-way street – it is a three-way street – between you, the other person, and Christ.
In Gospel Communication, the goal is not ourselves, but to point one another to Jesus Christ. All other communication seeks to create discontent, dissonance, and selfishness.
